The Douchebag's First Day

The Douchebag's first day was awkward (especially for us). We loved our old boss and had trouble dealing with her "leaving to explore other opportunities." The reason was bullshit of course, she pissed the wrong people off and bye-bye she went. But anyway. This isn't about her, it's about the worst manager I/we have ever had and by far, the biggest douchebag roaming the planet. As much as I'd love to use his ridiculous name (which may be part of the reason he's such a douchebag), I'm not going to. This is not slander, this is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

Picture an over crowded conference room (with not enough chairs.) Then picture about 60+ business casual dressed people. Then envision two other managers trying to pre-sell us on their latest, greatest new hire. He comes to us from "XYZ", he has 8 years experience (whoop tee doo). They neglect to mention he was unemployed for three months prior to coming to "ABC".

If he were so awesome, why was he laid off? Don't the strongest managers survive layoffs or at least, accept a step down?

They introduce him. He is wearing a suit that is about 3 to 4 sizes too big. These ridiculously large suits will become a staple and the butt of many jokes. Apparently, he was a fat guy and never bothered to purchase new clothes that fit. But I digress. He pulls out index cards from his jacket pocket. His speech is WELL rehearsed and very comical (unintentionally.) He reads ten reasons why we will love working for him. We wanted to puke. I only remember one of the ten items on his list; "his door is always open, especially if you have chocolate." Who says that? WOMEN, that's who. What kind of man in baggy clothes admits to chocolate cravings in front of his new staff? What a douchebag. By the way, his door is closed 90% of the day, even if you do have chocolate.

This is the beginning of the end for me and my five and a half years at "ABC."

I'd like to mention some phrases that make us want to slit our throats;
"Hey Folks"
"At the end of the day"
" I gotta be honest with you"
"Be happy you have a job"
"I'm here to support you"

I'd also like to advise those of you out there to learn the meaning and usage of; there, their and they're.

We encourage you to share your true douchebag stories with us.

May you never have a douchebag boss who does not deserve his/her position.



Who's the Douchiest Douche of them all?

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